There are different strains of thought regarding fear. Some think we should suck it up and once we do it and prove we can do it, then that fear will go away. Some think we should always face our fears, and not let them get the better of us.
Really? No matter what? Fears can cause a lot of stress, imagine petting that snake or letting that spider on your desk be as you calmly keep working. Did your heartbeat raise a little? Was it worth it? Are you magically a better person because you faced that fear? Is it gone?
I've struggled head on with these thoughts for a few years now, ever since I decided I wanted to be a ski patroller. You see, it turns out that being a ski patroller doesn't just mean you have to be able to ski, or snowboard, and learn about the first aid side of helping people. It also means, just in case you are on a lift and the lift shuts down, you as the ski patroller, need to be able to confidently pull out the rope and webbing from your pack and rappel down from that chair lift. Yes, push yourself off the edge of that hard seat and slide down a rope to the snow. Hopefully in a way that is calm and inspires trust from the skiing patrons all around you, since the next step is getting them down!
Yes, I am terrified of those kinds of heights and have no desire to rock climb or rappel in any manner. It doesn't thrill me in any way.
The first year of ski patrol I did it. I have a very patient husband and friends that tried to get me comfortable with rappelling before the day, I even rappelled off a rock, near us. Why anyone would choose to do this I still don't understand! I did it. Did my fear go away - nope.
The next year I chose to not do it, which meant I couldn't patrol by myself. No problem, who wants to patrol by themselves anyway? That would be boring. And it was causing me so much stress that I never regretted that decision.
But, this year I knew that I wanted to end this year being a full auxiliary member of the National Ski Patrol. Hopefully we will move in the coming year and that will help us get on the volunteer ski patrol of our next closest ski hill easily.
So, I just decided I had to do it. That helped with some of the stress, but not the fear. I didn't even review rappelling until the night before I had to do it. Then my husband when over everything with me in detail - a couple times, and I just took the attitude that I could do it.
The thing with my fear is, I never doubt I can do it. I believe I can do anything I choose to do. But, do I want to do it? What's the point? I know I can be near snakes and not die. Why would I want to be? I know I have the ability to put on a harness, hook up my rope, and the knowledge of how to manage that rope so I easily rappel and don't plummet to the ground. I don't question the safety of it. But I don't enjoy it in any way, so why would I?
Don't we do enough things we don't like because of work and just plain life. Why force ourselves over and over again to do something we don't enjoy?
I'm reminded to "Be Christine" and not apologize for it.
I remind myself that just because my friends enjoy rock climbing, golfing, and Disneyland, does not mean I have to pretend to enjoy these things. Now, I can respect their choices of activities and I can even enjoy listening to stories of their trips and ask about their trips. I think of all the people who have no clue why I would walk 80 miles through a mountain range, but patiently listen to me talk excitedly about it. But, that does not mean I have to do those activities.
Anyway back to fear. Yesterday, on a crisp, cold, blue sky day, I successfully rappelled out of the chair lift again. A perfectly good chair lift that would have started back up with the flick of a switch. And I am proud of myself for doing it without my husband or any of my friends in that chair with me. But does that mean my fear has gone away? No. Does that mean I won't stress about it every time I have to do it, just because I know I can do it? No.
In this case, this is a fear that I choose to face because it's a small piece of something larger, which I enjoy. But, I don't necessarily believe we have to face all of our irrational fears to be better people. Fear isn't a bad emotion. It's ok to recognize it and it often keeps us safe.
Don't be afraid of fear, respect it, listen to it, and choose when to overcome it and when to let it be.
I know exactly what you mean, when I was a life guard and pool manager, I hated diving into the diving tank to retrieve the 10# brick. I do know why it had to be done, but I was afraid of the deep water, always have been - it's kind of like fear of heights. But I could do it, and would be able to rescue a sunk swimmer, but I was always full of fear after the fact. Not a hobby I would take up. Scuba diving was fun and beautiful, but left on my own to do it again, probably not something I will repeat.
ReplyDelete